Episode 1, Season 1

Episode 1, Season 1: “’Pilot”

This is the episode that sold the show. It is the first episode to which viewers were treated back in 2007. I don’t have this luxury – I have over four years of family and friends haranguing me with ‘did you see the part’, basic character sketches, and snatches of episodes across all seasons. I’m trying to ignore that information, and go at this as empirically as possible.

So let’s get started. Cold open: Two nerdy gentlemen enter an office, probably doctor or dentist or some such. We know they are nerds by their costuming, and on this particular point, I will give the show some credit. The mismatched clothing and shoulder bags have a certain geek flair to them, and seem reasonable if hyperbolic. While they enter, they are technobabbling away about particle/wave issues, and the punchline’s putting that on a t-shirt. Trouble has already started. As best I can tell, there is no joke in the particle/wave comment – the joke is only present for the viewer laughing at the nerd. Internally, there’s no impetus for the comment. Why the t-shirt? This isn’t like Fraiser’s high-brow kibitzing with Niles: in that case, there were always two levels. The accessible level, where it’s funny to hear two yahoos yammering about their favorite topics, but there was also care taken to include a high level, contextual joke, like that it’s a pun on opera titles. No, this show doesn’t bother. This is no ‘There are 10 kinds of people in the world…’ it’s just asinine.


Of particular note is that instead of wearing an incongruous physics non-joke shirt, the tall nerd is wearing a Flash t-shirt. This has that ‘new but distressed’ Walmart discount bin look rather than a well-worn relic. Here’s a chance to learn something about the character, or at least it should be: By uniform, I’m concluding this is Barry Allen (could be Wally, I imagine, but given the aged look of the art, I think it’s alluding to Barry), not Jay Garrick or Bart… thankfully. This is the most popular Flash for most comic fans, so I think it’s a fair choice, and is interesting b/c this predates his resurrection in Grant Morrison/Geoff Johns runs a year later. So, a geek with some taste, perhaps one who’s looking forward to Barry’s rumored return.

But the Flash? Flash being the favorite of this particular character should strike the informed viewer as paradoxical as the show goes on. The pivotal issue is that Flash is arguably the WORST offender in all of comics in terms of routinely violating laws of physics. Time travel and metaverse travel are kinda his day-to-day. Two words: Speed Force. When he left the League, he didn’t retire to a place, he retired to a time. Perhaps this is a sly joke by the costumer – if so, bravo. But I’m surprised that this character, who as we will see is slavishly literal and relentlessly nitpicky, would tolerate the fast-and-loose science in his very field of expertise on routine display in Flash books. Just thinking about how he would respond to Barry’s suit storage mechanism… yeah.

So back to the scene, why are these nerds at the office? Well, they approach the desk nurse with great caution, who blows them off with an ‘in a minute’ while she focuses on a crossword. The short one proceeds to solve the remainder of her puzzle because nerds are impatient, rudely assertive, and watch Jeopardy. They query if this is, in fact, the office of the ‘high IQ sperm bank.’ Charming.

Discourse reveals they are donating sperm in hopes of paying for a T1 connection at their apartment. Now, some, ahem, ‘research’ on my end shows that in CA, sperm donations will net you about 40 dollars per dollop (2012 dollars, mind you) and a T1 connection costs about 500 a month, probably more in 2007’s market. So I don’t know how much these guys intend to donate, but that seems like a losing proposition for everyone but Vaseline.

Anyway, as they work on paperwork, there’s some discussion about ethics, namely that selling one’s sperm as inherently intelligent would be fraudulent, given random variation in genes. A fair and vaguely ethical position considering, and one they likely would have discussed before the paperwork at the sperm bank, but okay. Score one for the nerds; but wait. In case you were worried about the geeks getting a fair shake, they clear that up by the tall guy stating he could not love a stupid child made from his own genes. Thanks, TV, I thought we were going to suggest nerds had normal human qualities, but I guess not. On this basis, they leave, presumably to go home and use their cable modem.

CG molecule version of third rock segue!

Glad that’s over. Alright, so dejected nerd duo return to their multi-level, one-level apartment. This set grates on me. For the unfamiliar, they go ‘round and round’ the stairwell of their walk-up, but its just the same set with looping shots returning to early positions and, ya know, moving a plant or bicycle to denote ‘next floor’. It’s cute the first time you see it, but you’ll see a lot of scenes on these stairs.

So they get to their apartment, and across the hall is their new neighbor, a hottie in daisy dukes. They predictably act like drooling idiots, but eventually work up the nerve to invite her over to their place. Free food in the bargain, so Daisy agrees.

OPENING SONG, BARRY RUNNING THROUGH HISTORY, GO!

This is the first view of their living arrangements. Let’s take a look, shall we? Someone’s been shopping @ the Discovery Store. A sepia picture of an engine on the wall? Lots of unidentifiable books, mismatched furniture. No obvious comic boxes, odd. A shockingly small TV set for these two, even in 2007. A telescope, a big biomolecular model, white boards with various equations. Daisy comments on equations, guys posture. Daisy tries to eat, guys posture. Daisy tries to talk about herself, and guess what I see a theme here. Daisy then cries about her ex, guys act confused as to what this emotion thing is.

Finally, in an attempt to escape, which the smart viewer is attempting at the same time, Daisy departs to take a shower using the nerd’s bathroom. Yikes, that sounds traumatizing. This allows the nerds to discuss in blunt terms what is on their minds: coitus. Now, this theme, if it can be called such, continues for the rest of the episode, so lets just get it out there now: the guy’s only interest here is sex. It’s pervy, and gets more pervy as additional nerds show up like some kind of gang rape is about to commence. Every time she’s out of the room, it’s basically roshambo for who get’s to go first. The writers then draw further attention to the desperation of geeks for sex by kicking off a running gag about the only naked woman they’ve seen in recent memory being Leo’s granny with alzheimers. I’ll let that stand on it’s own wobbly feet.

As I alluded, two more nerds have arrived, excited about a video of Hawking from the 70s in which he speaks. Cute. Raj and Howie are to Sheldon and Leonard what the latter are to real geeks. Raj literally cannot speak to Daisy out of fear of, I don’t know; it’s unclear and explained by Howie: ‘he’s kinda a geek.’ I’ve never met a geek that literally cannot speak basic greetings to the opposite sex. Howie for his part turns up the Giggity to 11 every time Daisy walks within range. These caricatures don’t even make sense. Raj has a trucker hat with a 42. What is he, nerd Ashton Kutcher? Howie is dressed like Captain N sans letter jacket, and is an engineer who knows how to be lecherous in Farsi. Daisy wanders into the recurring nightmare of sexual frustration to ask for ‘help in the bathroom.’ This is actually a ploy to corner Leonard, shake her tatas at him to mesmerize him into an errand. Because she’s a bitch.

Next we see nerd duo is in a car, trying to figure out how they got here. They are on the way to acquire Daisy’s TV, which she’s left with her boyfriend and suckered the sex-starved nerds into getting it for her. Maybe they realized their TV sucked, and wanted a new one. They finally get into the building by learning from Brownie girl scouts how to enter an apartment building, run into a guy from Venice beach, and next scene they are now pantless. Literally pantless, wandering around, complaining about how this is going to be explained to their mothers. What possible use for their pants could Venice Beach have? If he’s going to strip off their pants, why not their shirts? Or shoes? Did they put the shoes back on, or did they wear break away stripper pants? Why is this happening?

They return to find their friends and Daisy still in their apartment. I am amazed she didn’t return to her place and lock the door. She feigns surprise at their state (or maybe its real surprise, given that it makes no sense), and to make amends, they decide to go have sushi, b/c resolution be damned. No TV? No Pants? A girl who dates bodybuilders with pant fetishes? Wasabi time!

So that’s episode 1. I’m sure it’s uphill from here.